A 2021 Survival Guide For The Mental Angst

2020 was not the finest of years. There is no doubt that it sucked. Adapting to lockdown rules, social distancing, wearing masks (and often forgetting them at home), adjusting to the “new normal” and trying to keep myself productive amidst the pandemic has been a struggle. I have a plethora of half written essays, books, failed exercise goals and a to-do list that has become a list of reasons to chastise myself. If there’s anything I learned about this last year it’s to stop feeling guilty about the things I did not accomplish and be proud that I made it through another day without completely losing my mind.

Cause of Angst: FOGO aka Fear Of Going Out (Learned this acronym from Mark Manson— Go subscribe to his weekly Monday newsletter. You won’t regret it!)

Solution: Stay inside and create a disco party in your room. Possibly paired with a bottle of wine or some fruitylicious flavored sparkling water, hardcore dancing and pizza. Your body will need the carbs from all the sweat you’ll be dripping from twerking to Cardi B’s top 2020 song of the year WetAssPussy. 

Remember that time when we used to fear missing out on the next social event and big party? And look at us now. We fear picking up our groceries that we have to douse our shopping carts, hand baskets and our bodies religiously every 20 minutes in fear of contracting COVID-19. Truth is, everybody is scared to go out these days. Those who aren’t afraid are probably the ones going to secret social events and parties. They’re just furiously contracting and spreading the disease like a California wild fire. Okay I’ll admit. I’m just a little bit jealous of the careless, party goers because there’s nothing more I want to do than attend a party and dance my face off whilst holding a glass of some shitty cocktail I don’t even like but desperately cling on to like the days of my youth.

Cause of Angst: Binging on the news

Solution: Allow yourself one torturous day out of the week for 30 minutes to read up on the current state of worldly affairs.

Why torment yourself consuming all the news that’s out there every single day? I know we want to be informed because it’s good to be informed. But there should be a limit to how much of the news we consume in a week. It’s terrible enough to be living through a global pandemic so I don’t see the point of constantly reminding myself every single day that COVID is lurking amongst us. I GET IT. I’ll stay my ass inside.

Cause of Angst: All your childhood traumas are bubbling to the surface 

Solution: Chocolate and a hot bath 

There is nothing chocolate can’t cure even if it’s only for a temporary and fleeting moment of orgasmic gustation bliss. I’m also obsessed with steaming hot baths. I like entering when the water is so hot that it feels like pins and needles are stabbing all over my epidermis that for a minute I can actually forget all about my mental woes. Okay maybe this isn’t the best advice but sometimes there isn’t a quick fix to working through your messy emotional baggage. But I hear therapy, talking to a friend, journaling, self-reflection and a whole lot of self-forgiveness can go a long way.

Cause of Angst: Your toxic loved one/friend/co-worker keeps unloading their negative baggage onto you that it makes the hair on your skin raise every time they call.

Solution: Come up with a believable excuse that you can’t return their call because you are busy ie. giving your cat a bath, cutting your toenails, organizing your books in alphabetical order or Marie Kondoing your closet, bedroom, house, kitchen, etc. 

Being a good friend is about being a good listener but that doesn’t mean we have to pick up the phone every time it rings. I’m an empathetic person which means I am a highly sensitive individual. So when someone is unloading all their negative shit on me, inevitably it brings me down. There’s nothing wrong with listening to a friend that is going through a hard time but there is a problem when that person is blabbing on about all of their problems that when they stop to finally ask “But how are you doing?” You finally get a sigh of relief but they don’t even listen and quickly turn the conversation back around to talk about themself. That’s a one-way conversation and that’s what a therapist is for. And unless you’re a licensed psychologist and getting paid to listen to someone talk about themself for hours on end then forget about it. I’m not picking up the phone.

Cause of Angst: Inability to focus and/or complete a task

Solution:  Get rid of distractions and if all else fails, do something else you enjoy.

I have the tendency to berate myself for not getting work done that the rest of my day turns into a constant guilt trip. Perpetuating my shitty feelings for not getting any work done that I’m unable to enjoy anything else for the rest of my day is a lose/lose situation. There isn’t enough hours in a day to do everything you need to do but there are enough hours in the day to give yourself a mental reset. Turning off my wifi, putting my phone on silent, giving myself snack breaks while writing, studying, reading and doing the occasional stretches on my yoga mat while working all help me stay focused on a task in front of me. Eating snacks makes me happy and keeping my phone out of arms reach saves me hours of time I may lose whilst scrolling through TikTok, Instagram and Twitter. 

Cause of Angst: The unknown future 

Solution: Carpe fucking diem!

There is way too much about our life that we do not know. We live today and we may die tomorrow. That is terrifying and liberating all at the same time. So we can either choose to live in a state of angst or change our perspective. There are no promises in life except for what we do, think, behave, act and react to today. So go ahead and free yourself from all that mental anguish. Eat that last piece of cake. Kick your feet up and binge through another Netflix series. Start that new hobby and start it terribly. Stop trying to make sense of the world. Nothing will ever makes sense except how you choose to live today. 

Dating Is Tough in 2020

Photo by www.instagram.com/catanacomics

I met Chad* (changed name) not even a full week after downloading the app Hinge on my phone. Mind you, this is the third time I downloaded the app because the previous two times, I couldn’t stop swiping through all the disappointed faces of potential bachelors and bachelorettes that I just deleted the app within the first 12 hours after downloading. The thought of awkward first encounters, trying to keep the conversation entertaining enough that I don’t rip off all the skin around my fingers nails by the time the appetizers arrive and dealing with that god awful moment when I don’t know whether or not I should reach for my wallet and offer to pay or just… let my date pay. But not only do I dread the idea of going on an irl date but I absolutely DESPISE god awful pick up lines people use on these dating apps to get my attention. They make me want to puke in my mouth and all over my phone. I just… can’t stand the cheese man. I really can’t. It makes me feel like a person is screaming at me, “Please notice me! I’m smart, I’m witty and I really hope that you like this stupid ass comment that I’m making because nobody else seems to like it but I really hope that you do.” Look I get that we are all lonely on these sites and want a little sexual healing and someone to accompany us on our normal lonesome food dates we have with ourselves but god damn, how can we get straight to the good stuff and past all the bull shit? And at what point does one decide, “All right I think it’s time now that I can meet this complete stranger in real life and hang out with them for more than 20 minutes in a close proximity that could possibly endanger the future generations of my bloodline?” Three days. Three days is enough conversation for me to decide that it’s the right time to meet somebody after matching with their stranger ass online. 

Chad and I went to a quaint little sushi restaurant in Downtown, Los Angeles and on the way to my date, I bumped the song “B*TCH FROM DA SOUF” by Mulatto and Saweetie to set me in the right mood of “I’m a confident ass bitch and I don’t really need no mans but if he real sweet and cute I might hit it.” (Here’s a hyperlink to the song just incase any of you ladies need that kind of confidence in your life too) I parked my car in the valet garage and sat in my car for at least 5-10 minutes because I hate the thought of being late and being viewed as less of a decent human being for not respecting some one else’s time. I used those extra minutes wisely to gather my thoughts, calm my nerves, check my teeth and finish singing my song “CAUSE I’M A REAL ASS, TRILL ASS, BITCH FROM THE WEST.” A couple minutes remained from the allotted time my date and I agreed upon meeting and I decided it was time to meet him. I approached the restaurant doors and the thought of, “Holy shit I hope I don’t get catfished” crossed my mind and then I saw him, Chad, my first irl online date. He was handsome, tall, hipster as fuck with his wide legged jeans paired with black low top Doc Marten’s and incredibly soft eyes behind a pair of Harry Potteresque round eye glasses. I immediately felt at ease that I wasn’t being catfished and I wasn’t getting murdered by a serial killer. 

The date went.. fairly well. I struggled trying to keep the conversation going. Either 1. We both were shy and awkward 2. We both suck at human interactions or 3. I’m on a path of sobriety so no alcoholic beverages were to my avail to help loosen me up. I did my best to keep the conversation entertaining and engaging enough so my date and I wouldn’t stumble upon awkward silences but OH, did they happen! At one point I asked my date, “So… Do you workout?” like a fucking Cali Surfer bro, I internally face palmed myself so hard because who the fuck asks their date, DO YOU WORK OUT?! Ugh. I appreciate his kind heart for laughing and going along with my question, “Ya, I work out dude. I pump some iron.” while actually reenacting bicep curls. I wasn’t sure if this was true love or whether my date was just mimicking my behavior to make me feel more comfortable. Psychologists have actually studied that when two people interact they often mirror each other to connect and put one another at ease. So when one person puts a hand on their face, the other person subconsciously will touch their face as well.

Anyways we exchanged quite a few laughs, experienced awkward silences together, enjoyed fire ass sushi and I got to enjoy the company of another human being. A cute one at that. But by the time our last food item had been consumed, neither one of us suggested dessert or anything else to further our time spent together so we could possibly end up having a hot and steamy make out sesh. Because HELLO, isn’t that what we all sort of… kind of want to happen? I haven’t been on many dates in my life even though I’m 28 years old… Guys haven’t taken me out on nice romantic candle lit dinners because I spent most of my life pounding bottles of Jameson, Hennessy and Tequila whilst snorting lines of Cocaine off my iPhone screen in public and private places. What kind of sane guy would ask a girl out like that? So I guess you could say I’m “new” to this whole… dating thing, let alone online dating. I don’t even know how to properly interact with a person without thinking “Am I staring at their eyes too long? Oh shit, I’m staring too long. Quick look away for a second. Oh fuck. What did they just say?” Because before when I’d hang out with guys I was into I didn’t have to think about all this shit. I was too busy pouring myself shots that I didn’t have to stare at anybody’s face if I didn’t want too. Anyways my date kindly paid for the bill and we walked outside and stared at each other for a moment to which I then opened my arms and blurted out, “WELL. Uh I don’t really know what to do from here? But SICK DATE.” and pointed at him with finger guns… And again his kind soul laughed and told me if I was ever in his side of town and wanted to grab some coffee I could hit him up. We hugged and said our goodbyes and as I walked inside my car, I realized that we weren’t going on a second date because who offers COFFEE as a second date. But then again, who acts like a 22 year old frat bro on a first date… nobody, just me. 

It’s been a few weeks since my date with Chad, and I haven’t hit him up for coffee and he hasn’t hit me up either, so I guess it’s safe to say now that he wasn’t into my jokes and we won’t be boning anytime soon. Bummer. Cause he was really actually quite cute. 

The 10 Most Valuable Lessons I Learned This Last Decade

It’s the end of the year, and the end of a decade. I felt it was only proper to write down my top 10 most valuable lessons that I have learned these last 10 years. Full disclosure, I am seriously looking forward to 2020 and the years to come after it. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions the last 10 years, and I know that 2020 going to be a good one, I can feel it in my bones!

1. Trust your intuition, trust your gut and trust your heart. It will never, ever, fail you.

2. People can’t save you, only you, can save you.

3. Having a sense of humor is the best medicine you can gift your self.

4. Life is about enjoying the simple things and placing your attention to the present moment, to capture as much of it as you can.

5. Taking risks, being vulnerable, and putting yourself out there is an act of bravery. You should commend yourself for this. Always.

6. Having self control is self empowerment.

7. Love and Heartache are just two sides of the same coin. There is no other way we can truly love without experiencing the opposite emotions and pains of love, i.e. getting hurt, heartbreak, suffering, etc.

8. Don’t take things so personally! Another person’s anger, hate, gossip, or judgement is just a reflection of the way they view themselves. Don’t forget that the next time somebody pisses you off.

9. Negative self talk is a habit formed thought process that originated from early childhood experiences. The only way to change the old process, is to recognize, reassess, and reaffirm better conversations we have with ourselves, about ourselves.

10. Our interests make us interesting (I don’t remember where I heard this but this is not my original quote). So go out there and find new hobbies, embrace being a beginner, accept the fact that some things you will try and you won’t want to do again. It is only in the act of active searching, that you can find amazing experiences with other like minded individuals.

I just want to leave with saying one last thing to you (my reader)— I truly hope that this year brings you, your family, your friends and everyone else in the world nothing but sweet, sweet blessings of love, joy, wealth and good health in 2020. Let’s all make the days count and do our absolute best. So, cheers and Happy New Year to you, my friend, and thank you for existing in this crazy and chaotic world! Our connection brings us one step closer to each other and one step closer to changing humanity for the better, forever. xoxo